Like many teenagers in the US, when I was sixteen I got my driver's license. Understandably, my parents were concerned about my safety (and probably other people's as well). My Dad gave me lots of advice about driving, none of which I remember specifically except for one tip: never let your gas tank be less than half full. Over the years, I've realized how this applies equally to my car and my body. I have almost always followed my Dad's advice when it comes to my car; when it comes to my body, too many times I've let myself run on empty, ignoring the signs warning me of impending danger like that annoying light that appears when your car is about to die until it's too late, and I either get sick or go nuts or both.
Women, and mothers in particular, are notorious for running on empty. Spend five minutes listening to conversations amongst women and you'll not only get the sense that overwhelm is inevitable, it's also our duty and maybe even a competition. Let's change the conversation. Let's learn how to keep our tanks full. We can start refueling by making things a little easier on ourselves. One way that I've been able to do this is by turning lunch into dinner. In other words, I use the same ingredients for lunch (and sometimes breakfast!) and dinner. Another simple way to replenish depleted energy levels is to take some time to do something for yourself, even when it seems like you have no time to spare. I've been focusing on one to five minute practices. Here is a fun list of 30 ways to rejuvenate in 5 minutes or less. As many of you know, I just had my second child, Maverick, in September. The difference between my first postpartum experience, which was a real struggle, and this one, which is not without its challenges but is significantly better, is incredible! I am truly inspired to share the principles and practices that have been so effective for me and my family (and many others as well). Healthy Mama, Happy Mama will teach simple practices for daily life that foster a mother's total well-being through all the stages of her life. The teachings draw from a range of sources--yoga and Ayurveda, meditation and pranayama, basic self-care habits (like 1-5 minutes practices), recipes and simple food practices (like turning lunch into dinner), and practical techniques for creating harmony in the home and amongst the family. It is for women who want to refuel, who want to live in a more easeful relationship with life, who want to shift their own and their family's health and habits, and who want to engage with other women in inspiring, energizing, and meaningful conversations. In addition to all of the body-mind-heart practices that support me, it's conversations with women friends that have sustained me, given me insight and inspiration, and filled my heart. Last spring, my dear friend and fellow yogini Prue Klausner (Maverick and I are going to her mum and baby yoga class as soon as I send this!) and I initiated a Women's Circle in an effort to cultivate and nurture a supportive community of women. The circle is a space to talk, listen, laugh and yes, even cry . It is an opportunity to nourish your whole self through the simple experience of connecting with others. We will be holding our next circle on Saturday, November 15 at 14.00 at Yoga Amrita. Let me know if you'd like to join us. May your tank, and your hearts, be full,
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Years ago, a good friend told me about a discipline strategy used by the teachers at her son's pre-school: when a child acted out, he or she spent quiet time sitting on the sedia rosa before they could return to play. I try to remember the sedia rossa when I behave poorly or get stuck in a negative thought or emotional pattern, and instead of adding shame, guilt, or denial to the mix thus worsening the situation, sometimes I remember to offer to the part of myself that needs attention quiet time to rest and take a break. Sometimes my response is as simple as imagining the sedia rossa and taking a couple of deep breaths; other times I need to get outside or take a shower or call a friend or read something that inspires me or play with the kids or make a cup of tea and sit still for a few minutes. In other words, the sedia rossa gives space to the part of us that needs attention so that we can discover and attend to the unmet need that lies beneath.
So I'm learning to give the part of me that wants to eat an entire chocolate bar at 9 pm some space, and rather than automatically give in to her demands, which was my habit for many years, when I catch myself reaching into the cupboard, sometimes I pause and ask myself "What am I really hungry for?" And usually, I find that the sweetness that I am craving can be met by being sweet to myself. Sometimes that means giving myself a massage (see the attached Guide to Abhyanga Massage) and soaking in the tub, other times it means having a real conversation with my husband, and often times, it means honoring the fact that I am deeply tired and going to bed. And yes, often I do eat the chocolate, but with an awareness that allows me to be satisfied with a couple of bites rather than a whole bar. This is a very different approach to discipline than I was accustomed to because it preferences self-care over self-denial by honoring all the parts of ourselves without judgement. This willingness to accept ourselves unconditionally is a central tenet of yoga. Seen from another perspective, it is the most basic way that we practice ahimsa or non-violence, the first of the yamas or ethical guidelines which comprise the firstof the eight limbs of classical yoga according to Patanjali. As we remember to be present with all the parts of ourselves, we are practicing a deep yoga that arises from and cultivates lovingkindness not just for ourselves, but for others as well. When it comes to taking care of ourselves, usually the problem isn't that we don't know what to do, it's that, in spite of knowing what we need, we choose not to do it. Our reasons for self-sabatoge are varied, yet equally illegitimate: I don't have enough time/resources/support, I'll do it later when I'm on holiday/when my kids are grown/when I have enough time/resources/support, and probably the most insidious and common of all: I don't want to be selfish. This notion that taking care of ourselves is either something that we do only in case of emergency or is a luxury that we can't afford seems to me to stem from a belief (so painful that it's taken me years to finally admit to myself that yes, in fact, some part of me does think it's true) that I am undeserving, unworthy of self-love. This part of me is the little girl sitting in the sedia rossa. But there is another, far more wise and compassionate part of me that wholeheartedly loves that little girl no matter how much she whines or talks back or misbehaves while recognizing that beneath her cries is a call for real attention. I really appreciate the writer Parker Palmer's understanding that: “Self-care is never a selfish act - it is simply good stewardship of the only gift I have, the gift I was put on earth to offer others. Anytime we can listen to our true self and give the care it requires, we do it not only for ourselves, but for the many others whose lives we touch.” His recognition that when we listen to and care for ourselves we are acting on the behalf of everyone we encounter reinforces the yogic perspective of our interconnectedness and reveals that self-care is neither an indulgence nor is it negotiable, it is a matter of discipline, of honoring the most basic commitment to myself to be the best version of myself that I can be so that I may be of benefit to everyone in my life. ***************************** I am delighted to share with you a number of upcoming opportunities to practice the good stewardship of self-care starting with a "Girls' Day Off" Yoga and Spa Day Retreat that I'll be hosting at the luxury, 5-star Swiss Diamond Hotel in Morcote on Saturday, March 28. Our amazing day begins with a revitalizing, all levels Hatha yoga practice in our private studio space overlooking the lake. A gourmet 3-course lunch served on the lake-side terrace offers ample time to delight in the spectacular scenery while chatting with new and old friends. In the afternoon, we'll relax completely with a restorative yoga session and then indulge in the Wellness Center’s lovely offerings: heated indoor pool, Turkish bath, hammam and solarium. You may choose to complete your day by taking advantage of our exclusive 50% discount off of all treatments at the full-service spa. You will emerge from the experience refreshed and reconnected, feeling like you’ve been on holiday without ever leaving Lugano! The cost is 100 francs. Please contact me directly to reserve your spot. While it is wonderful (and totally essential once in a while) to devote an entire day to self-care, we often just have a couple of minutes which is why I am also beginning to offer short audio recordings of guided meditations and yoga sequences on my website. Click here to access the first one: Following Breath Meditation. Since I'm really new to this, I'd love to receive feedback if you have any suggestions either for improvements or specific practices that you'd like me to share. Recognizing that, despite of your commitment to your wellbeing, it's difficult to commit to an 8-week course, I will be opening Yoga for Real Life to drop-ins starting this week. We meet at Studio Amrita in Breganzona from 9:15-10:45 and the drop-in rate is 30 francs. While you won't need to sign up for the whole course, I would appreciate knowing if you plan to come so please do send me an email to let me know. One of the best ways that I know to reconnect with the best version of myself is to practice yoga with others and even better, to be outdoors. It's been awhile since we had a Ticino Yoga Kula practice, and as long as the sun is shining (or at least it's not raining!) I'll offer a karma class with Kat Walser, Kelly Griswold, and Nura Madzjoub on Saturday, March 14 at 15:00 at Parco Tassino. The practice is free and open to everyone. Please share the flyer with your friends, colleagues, and neighbors! Finally, I'll be subbing for the lovely Keri Gonzato for the next 3 Mondays at 19:30 at Yoga Roof Centro: March 2, March 9, and March 16. I'm looking forward to seeing some familiar faces and meeting new friends, too. Hope to see some of you there! ********************* Of course, I hope that you will join me for some of these offerings, and even more, I hope that you will truly, take good care of yourself. It's a gift to us all. On this chilly winter's night, may this note find you cozy in body and spirit. I returned home yesterday from a beautiful holiday with my family in the mountains--complete with snow on Christmas day! I feel incredibly fortunate to have parents and siblings who are willing and able to travel halfway across the globe to spend time with me and my family. Of the many highlights that stand out from our time together, it was the conversations that I had with my parents and brothers that I will remember and cherish. Like me, many of you, in fact, most of you, live away from your family of origin. And while we are so blessed by technology which enables us to communicate virtually face to face, I find it's not the same as a "real" conversation. In one such conversation with my mom, she reminded me of Marianne Willamson--one of our great modern spiritual leaders--and this morning I came across this most poignant thought of hers, just right for orienting oneself toward the new year when we typically make resolutions that aim toward a vision of our (improved) self: "Spiritual growth involves giving up stories of your past so the universe can write a new one." Letting go of the stories that, for better or worse, shape our sense of self is, of course, easier said than done. Certainly, I don't have an absolute recipe for letting go. It's something that I come up against daily, especially when I'm with my family and find myself adopting old habits, treading outworn thought patterns, and recycling emotions. I know I'm not alone in this. Part of the magic of being with family and old friends is the history: the collective memory of shared experience, the ease of not having to explain yourself, the conversations that carry on for years and across generations. But these same gifts can turn into burdens when we hold on too tightly to the stories instead of relaxing our grip on the past that we may open to the present and thus co-create our future. Williamson's wisdom is an invitation to trust in theinfinitely creative capacity of the universe (or Grace, God, fill-in-the-blank-with-your-favorite-spiritual-source...). Endeavoring to release that which no longer serves me and open to the uncertain potential that lies ahead, I imagine myself as a trapeze artist in that split second between releasing one bar in order to grasp the other. It's scary as hell, and also totally freeing. While writing this, I actually googled "exercises for letting go of the past" and there were 2.7 million hits! With so many approaches, how can we choose one that will work for us? My best guess is that we start with an intention. What better time to set an intention than at the start of the new year? Whereas resolutions are actions, intention is an attitude. When we focus on the attitude, then our actions will naturally arise from that space. In other words: "Energy flows where intention goes." (James Redfield) For those of you in Lugano this New Year's Day, I invite you to join me this Thursday, January 1 at Yoga Amrita from 14.00-17.00 for a practice 108 Sun Salutations that will get the energy flowing in the direction of your intention. The number 108 is an auspicious number in the yoga tradition; here's an article that outlines why. The practice is suitable for all levels and there will be plenty of space for reflection, rejuvenation, and rest. Please let me know if you're interested in attending; spots are limited! The cost is 30 francs. Whether or not you are able to join the kula for this tradition, I encourage you set aside some time in the next days to set your intention for 2015. As with letting go, there are numerous ways to set intentions. Here are some different approaches; you might pick one that resonates with you. 1. Vision Board 2. Guided Meditation 3. Journaling My mom just gave me a little sign that reads "Do one thing every day that scares you." I'm not a big fan of that idea, for pretty obvious reasons. Most of you know that, until two years ago, I was teaching high school English and moonlighting as a yoga teacher. The part you may not know is that, for years I had been ignoring my heart's calling until one day, in the company of three beloved friends, I finally listened to the story that was waiting to be written through me. Trading job security for possibility, institutional support for self-determination, a pension plan for a piggy bank, I took the advice of one of my literary heroes, Joseph Campbell to "be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us." So far, this is one of the scariest things that I have done, and also one of the most rewarding. So, in the spirit of relinquishing past stories, embracing the present, opening to the future, it is with joy and jitters that I invite you to visit my website! Enjoy. Lately, I've been feeling like I've lost my spark. How grateful I was, then, for a dear friend's reminder that this time of year is a time of hibernation, of retreat. I haven't lost my spark; rather, the fact that my inner light is dim reflects a synchronicity with the natural flow of life. Now, when the days are short (and recently quite gray here in Lugano) we are meant to live like our animal friends: sleep more, eat less, and turn inwards. But, as a culture, we have so lost touch with the rhythms of nature that, instead of slowing down during the darkest time of year, we kick it into high gear. Shopping lists send us into a spending frenzy, work deadlines loom large resulting in late nights at the office, holiday parties offer ample opportunities to over-indulge in drinking and eating, and for many of us who live away from family, celebrating together requires traveling halfway around the globe. Instead of feeling refreshed and ready after the holidays, many of us can barely drag our bums out of bed on January 1st and instead spend the first day of the new year on the couch nursing a hangover or a flu or both, and resolving to do better the other 364 days. Believe me I know, I've been there. For the last couple of years, in anticipation of the post-holiday blues, I've made it a practice to ask myself: How do I want to feel on January 1? And the answer that arises tends to shape my actions during the holidays from what and how much I eat and drink to gifts I give and how I celebrate; it also serves as my intention for the year. It's a simple yet powerful question, and one that I invite you to consider as you make your plans for the holidays and craft your intentions for the new year. One way to enjoy this self-inquiry is to link it with a celebration of the Winter Solstice on December 21. The longest night of the year marks both a shift towards light and an honoring of the the darkness. We remember, as Barbara Brown Taylor writes in her wonderful book (thank you mom for the recommendation!) Learning to Walk in the Dark that "new life starts in the dark. Whether it is a seed in the ground, a baby in the womb, or Jesus in the tomb, it starts in the dark." By spending quiet time alone and with loved ones, reflecting on the past year, setting our intentions for the holidays and the new year, we honor the true spirit of the season which is about connection, not consumption. There's no particular way to honor the solstice; part of the fun is making it up as you go! In the past, we've spent the evening by candlelight and had a simple meal prepared ahead of time. This year, when the solstice falls on an (almost) new moon, we'll be with my parents and brothers in the mountains. I'm looking forward to sharing this new tradition with them and seeing what they wish to bring forth. Wouldn't it be amazing if everyone in our kula, wherever we are, took this one evening to commune in sweet darkness? Sweet Darkness by David Whyte You must learn one thing. The world was made to be free in. Give up all the other worlds except the one to which you belong. Sometimes it takes darkness and the sweet confinement of your aloneness to learn anything or anyone that does not bring you alive is too small for you. This season, on January 1 and on the 364 days that follow, I want to feel alive. To me, being alive doesn't mean being bright and shiny all the time. Rather, it means being fully present with whatever is arising now. It means letting go of whatever is too small for me--the foods, habits, thought and emotional patterns, and relationships that dull rather than enliven my inner radiance. Of course, this is easier said than done. Change requires more than intention; willful, skillful action is necessary, as is support. Fortunately, I've learned some really effective practices for shifting habits, upleveling my own and my family's health, and connecting to an abundant energy that is aligned with earth-based rhythms. I am eager to share all this goodness with you next year. For now, I am relishing these quiet, shortened days with my little guy--napping next to me as I write to you--and will look forward to seeing many of you in class when I resume teaching a limited schedule in February, starting with Yoga for Real Life on Wednesday mornings at Yoga Amrita. Registration will start soon, let me know if you want to be put on the early notification list. Until then, I hope you'll take good care of yourself. And if your inner fire does need a little igniting--as mine did this morning, feeling itchy in the throat and heavy in the heart-- Here's a great "beat-the-cold-and-flu blues" smoothie from a favorite cookbook, The Blender Girl (I got my copy from Yoga Roof and use it all the time with our Vitamix--it's a game changer!). I've been sipping it all day and feeling (almost) 100%. Here's the recipe: 1.5 cups water 2 carrots, roughly chopped 1 small green apple, chopped 1 tablespoon freshly squeezed lemon juice 2 teaspoons minced fresh ginger 1/8 teaspoon ground cinnamon pinch of cayenne pepper 5 drops liquid stevia ** I used 1 teaspoon honey instead** What a gift to know that you are, as Jack Kornfeld says at the end of this wonderful talk on Transforming Darkness: "the architect of your life." As you design your holidays, may you allow your inner light to illuminate the sweetness of the dark. The light in me honors the light in you, Namaste! To paraphrase the Chinese philosopher Lao-Tzu, “my tree” is one of many steps on my journey. “My tree” has been on my mind and in my heart for more than a decade, inspired by a lesson that my dear teacher, Erin Geesaman Rabke, offered on the Buddhist principle of maitri, one of The Four Limitless Qualities. At its core, maitri invites us to cultivate lovingkindness toward ourselves. The unconditional friendliness of maitri is fertile ground for planting the seeds of yoga practice.
My house has a tiny box for planting flowers and in early spring, lacking a green thumb, I visit the local nursery. I leave with an array of seedlings, various instructions, and at best a vague idea of what, exactly, will bloom. Before planting, I prepare the soil: remove the weeds, turn over the remains of the annuals, and water. This crucial step, creating the foundation, can feel tedious, but the feel of my hands in the earth and the promise of beauty draw me outside most mornings to pull a few weeds, sprinkle some water. Come summer, the surprise blossoms take root, rise up, and bloom, and with each one I delight in the discovery. By the time the morning frost of late autumn arrives, the few remaining flowers have withered and wizened so that, when the first snow falls, the brittle stems surrender with ease. We can’t know how our lives will unfold, but when we plant our wishes and dreams in soil lush with maitri, even the most fragile, improbable seeds flourish. Rich with love, acceptance, and clarity, maitri is alchemical in nature–it transforms darkness into light, aversion into acceptance, discord into harmony. May the ground of maitri support and nourish each one of us as we dance along the path of yoga. "Sometimes I need only to stand wherever I am to be blessed." -- Mary Oliver
With a heart full of gratitude, I want to share the joyous news that our family welcomed Maverick Taj on September 13. As his first name suggests (though it's not a reference to "Top Gun" as much as it is to the epic wave in Northern California), Maverick had his own birth plan and, rather than waiting to arrive at the birthing center as Robb and I had planned, he was born at home. From these first beautiful, exciting moments of his life, he has been a wonderful teacher, presenting me with endless opportunities to "practice what I preach:" letting go of expectations, attachments and going with the flow, accepting myself as I am right now, asking for and receiving help, and offering whole-hearted gratitude. Since time on my yoga mat is limited now, I'm reminded of what it means to "practice" yoga, which is not simply a series of physical postures but rather a way of living fully in the present moment, allowing whatever arises to be an opportunity to connect with what is highest and best. This ability to be with what is, to recognize all of life as a chance to practice yoga is an essential and ongoing lesson in my life. I love how the writer and Buddhist practitioner Gary Snyder talks about the importance of seeing all of life as our practice in his book The Practice of the Wild: "It is as hard to get the children herded into the car pool and down the road to the bus as it is to chant sutras in the Buddha-hall on a cold morning. One move is not better than the other, each can be quite boring, and they both have the virtuous quality of repetition. Repetition and ritual and their good results come in many forms. Changing the filter, wiping noses, going to meetings, picking up around the house, washing dishes, checking the dipstick--don't let yourself think these are distracting you from your more serious pursuits. Such a round of chores is not a set of difficulties we hope to escape from so that we may do our 'practice' which will put us on a 'path'--it is our path." I am learning to relish the simplicity of my sadhana (practice)--the mundane, often boring tasks of everyday life with a newborn. Though each day brings its own uncertainties, there is repetition and ritual that revolves around mine and my family's needs--food, sleep, and love. And really, this is all that we need. To be nourished, to rest, and to be nurtured and cherished for who we are. And yet, it is so easy to forget and forego these basic needs for what may seem like more important demands or exciting matters. But at what expense? We all have experienced what happens when we don't take good care of ourselves, when we allow other things--people, work, hobbies, the never-ending "to-do" list--to take priority over our well-being. Stress. Fatique. Illness. Burnout. At this point, self-care becomes a necessity for survival and so, often begrudgingly, we slow down; we take some time off; we eat well; we go to bed early; we connect with the people who remind us who we really are and what is really important to us. What if, instead of waiting for a crisis to force us into attending to our basic needs, we made it apart of our daily lives, the foundation of our sadhana? I've been exploring this question for the past year, and slowly and steadily, I've experienced some major shifts in my life on every level: physical, mental, and spiritual. One thing that has helped me a lot with making positive changes is doing a Detox. I'm not talking about living off of lemon-water for a week, though some people dig that. For me, Detox means setting aside some time to focus on letting go of what isn't serving me right now (habits, thought patterns, foods) and incorporating ways of supporting what is highest and best in myself (self-massage, time in nature, meditation, nourishing foods, unplugging from technology, connecting with the people I love). Starting tomorrow, Saturday, October 11, I'll be joining dozens of others for the Yogahealer Fall Yogi Detox. This will be the second Detox that I've done with the Yogahealer community, lead by Cate Stillman who is a truly dynamic teacher. Cate recently offered a free call for people who are curious to know more about the Yogi Detox. It's full of information and tips that you can benefit from, whether you're thinking of doing a detox right now or not. Here's the link: http://www.yogahealer.com/podcasting/detox-rejuvenation-3-causes-disease/ The change in seasons is an optimal time to detox (out with the old, in with the new), and I'm really looking forward to it. This time, I am eager to focus on re-integrating a regular meditation practice into my day, going to bed when Maverick does, and eating a plant-based diet. No fasting. No drastic measures. Just a commitment to feeding my body, mind, and heart with love. Meeting my basic needs so that I can meet my family's needs. While I'm currently taking a pause from being active in the yoga community to focus on my family, I'm eager to stay connected to you, my friends in the Kula. Perhaps you'd like to join me in the Yogidetox and let it be a way for us to keep in touch. If you're interested or have any questions, please send me a message or give me a call; I'd love to hear from you! And if you do join, be sure to let me know. I'm so curious to know how you're evolving, and to be able to support you in your sadhana. Wherever you are reading this right now, may you relish the preciousness of this moment, allowing whatever unfolds to be an opportunity to practice yoga. |